I normally don't indulge in this sort of thing, but it speaks so clearly to my key demographic that they, if anyone, will grok it.
Hat tip to beppeblog, and like him I was holding out for the Log Lady.
You're Agent Albert Rosenfield, the snide and superior forensics expert. Your tongue is sharper than your scalpel, and it doesn't take long for people to start hating you for your supercilious quips, but you are the very best at what you do. You don't suffer fools gladly, but you give respect when it's due. In fact, you're a good guy at heart, but so wedded to your sarcasm that you can rarely stand to treat people kindly.